Baby steps

Today I took a step! Yeh me!  I've gotten the idea numerous times...probably since before Christmas of 2011, to videotape my journey into freedom.  I went to Walmart today and picked up a little tripod for my Flip Cam, set up and videotaped myself.  As I was taking the first video...a little introduction video,  I could see it was raining a beautiful soft rainfall and the sun was out. I unscrewed the Cam and got outside to find a rainbow...and there it was, so of course I videotaped it and expressed how I was taking it as a sign that I was on the right path.  Now...does this path make much sense to me now?  Not really. I don't know how I'm going to use these videos to help others or maybe they're going to help me speak my truth out loud and no one will ever see them. Only God knows. So I'm listening and doing. This is a change for me. I think I listen alot but DOING is a whole other story.  I've heard other teachers say repeatedly how they were told to do something and at the time it didn't make sense. They speak of faith in the unknown and how it's our job to listen and take those baby steps and trust that the next step will be revealed.  I do trust...I wonder what's next? This pushing myself out of my comfort zone proves to be quite empowering...pretty cool! Oh...I should mention that I'm about to find freedom in my smoking addiction and finances! Can't wait!

Loving myself anyway

Well today was supposed to be the day I had my last cigarette.  Well, that's out the window and I'm finding myself going easy on me! That's not the norm for me.  I've learned that beating myself up gets me feeling shitty and I then...you guessed it...I smoke more.  So I'm getting off my back. It is what it is.  I did great yesterday (having a total of 3) but was surrounded by my hubby's love, a long winter's nap and a movie ( a great one...We bought a zoo!) Today, my hubby left for work around noon and I had groceries to do. Damn...driving and cigs are closely knit in my subconscious right now. I know from quits in the past that I have to stay home, rest and sleep when needed. So I'm off to make supper and then drive a bit to visit a friend who's in town for the Holidays. Tomorrow's another day.  I know that focusing on the habit makes it worse so I'm doing my best to focus on other things to do, my damn amazingness and my relentless drive to never quit quitting!  

Out of my Comfort Zone

Well, here I go.  A blog...hmmm. What does one do with a blog? If starting this blog (which I kind of fell upon...well OK...no such thing as coincidences) was out of my comfort zone than how the heck am I going to be able to tell others about it? One step at a time.  Does this thing do spell check?  This is kind of fun! So what's on my mind? I'm truly in a position right now of just allowing myself to live a bigger (louder) life.  Why does it seem so damn uncomfortable to do so? Why is living small, being mediocre OK with so many! OK with me? I'm so tired of it! I'm tired of NOT listening to what my intuition is telling me to do and finding life frustrating.  So it's time. Time to allow myself some freedom to be me. Maybe no one will care to read what I have to say. That doesn't seem to matter.  I'm feeling like this is a step in the right direction and I'm just gonna go with it. No analyzing..and oh how I love to analyze! Wooopeee! I feel freeeee!