Loving myself anyway

Well today was supposed to be the day I had my last cigarette.  Well, that's out the window and I'm finding myself going easy on me! That's not the norm for me.  I've learned that beating myself up gets me feeling shitty and I then...you guessed it...I smoke more.  So I'm getting off my back. It is what it is.  I did great yesterday (having a total of 3) but was surrounded by my hubby's love, a long winter's nap and a movie ( a great one...We bought a zoo!) Today, my hubby left for work around noon and I had groceries to do. Damn...driving and cigs are closely knit in my subconscious right now. I know from quits in the past that I have to stay home, rest and sleep when needed. So I'm off to make supper and then drive a bit to visit a friend who's in town for the Holidays. Tomorrow's another day.  I know that focusing on the habit makes it worse so I'm doing my best to focus on other things to do, my damn amazingness and my relentless drive to never quit quitting!  

Out of my Comfort Zone

Well, here I go.  A blog...hmmm. What does one do with a blog? If starting this blog (which I kind of fell upon...well OK...no such thing as coincidences) was out of my comfort zone than how the heck am I going to be able to tell others about it? One step at a time.  Does this thing do spell check?  This is kind of fun! So what's on my mind? I'm truly in a position right now of just allowing myself to live a bigger (louder) life.  Why does it seem so damn uncomfortable to do so? Why is living small, being mediocre OK with so many! OK with me? I'm so tired of it! I'm tired of NOT listening to what my intuition is telling me to do and finding life frustrating.  So it's time. Time to allow myself some freedom to be me. Maybe no one will care to read what I have to say. That doesn't seem to matter.  I'm feeling like this is a step in the right direction and I'm just gonna go with it. No analyzing..and oh how I love to analyze! Wooopeee! I feel freeeee!