An information Fast!

Well I've decided that I'm going to take a break in regards to my listening to different speakers every day every chance I can get.  My family and co-workers see me with my purple ear buds in my ears probably a little too often!  I think my search for the right "process"or the "program" that's gonna help me figure me out (which will help me help others) has got to come to a halt.  Frankly I'm exhausted and my quest is really pulling me away from myself and my worth.  When you're constantly searching, reading, and listening it doesn't give you much time to just "be".  I realize that this relentless search is really only proving to be another thing I do that keeps me from doing what I know I should.  This isn't just a little bit of reading, or mp3 listening...it's turned into an addiction of sorts.  I need to find the balance in learning and taking action.  I think it's just another form of self-sabotage and is promoting procastination.  I love learning...it's the doing that I have a hard time with.   I have big and lofty dreams of helping others and I want so much to feel that I know enough!  Constantly pouring information in my head is keeping me in the illusion that I don't know enough and I do!. I've learned so much...time to move forward.  I know that it's being happy in the "now" that matters...it's the joy in the moment that creates even more for us!  I know this...so...I'm going to practice it more often.  No more striving...it's time to just "be", marvel at where I am (because really, I'm right where I'm supposed to be),be thankful for all I have and see what steps of inspiration the Universe sends my way...I should be able to hear it now since I won't have ear buds in my ears!

Fear and Comfort

Well it's been a while since I've written and I find myself looking at the uncomfortable.  Moving forward and doing new things is uncomfortable.  Why? Well, I've learned that our subconscious gets programmed in the first 7 years of life and we keep living with that programming because it's what we know...it's comfortable, even though it probably isn't helping us much as an adult. It's a brilliant plan by our creator isn't it? It makes perfect sense that we would have to push ourselves into the unknown to learn and grow. How else would we experience the joys of life and the rush of accomplishing something that was so scary to start? Would it mean that much if it didn't have the fear in it to begin? Probably not. So I find myself logically understanding God's reasons for blessing us with fear but am still fearful of going where I have not treaded before.  Damn subconscious! So here I declare my quest...to find the Bliss in facing my fears...the Bliss on the other side of my comfort zones!!!  Yes, posting on my blog is uncomfortable but proves "freeing" every time I do it! So do it I will!!  If only I had been raised being told that life was about finding what scares you most and doing it anyway...that it was as normal as eating, drinking and pooping! On that note...I wish you fierce courage! Now be fearless and fly! I'm going to find my wings...they've got to be here somewhere...

Too pooped to party

Haven't written in a while.  I've worked many many hours at my day job (which by the way really gets in the way of my creativity) and I'm teaching 2 different pup classes after hours. Anyway, I've been pooped to say the least.  Working 6 days a week has caught up to me and I had to call in sick today.  I found myself crying tears of frustration 3 nights ago and feeling kind of depressed until last pm.  Saturday afternoon proved the start of a necessary rest as my body wasn't about to get pushed in any other direction. I've spent the last 48 hours doing only what I felt I wanted to do which consisted of listening to inspiring speakers, meditations and sleeping.  Last pm I actually received some great info (from spirit) that could prove fun to teach others one day (if I ever get enough guts to come out of my shell!) It really is amazing what rest can do for someone.  I think everyone should get R & R on a weekly if not daily basis. I would love to create such a place for overworked women to just "be"...kind of a hide out in the woods where no family could find them for at least a week!   Did alot of EFT today trying to clear the bullshit beliefs that I keeping me smoking and struggling with money. I can tell I've shifted the smoking somewhat....I can't explain it...the need has released it's grip on me...I feel much closer to letting them go. My goal is to quit one last time...to let go of all the reasons I reach for them once and for all. What I've recently learnt is that all addictions are used as a coping skill, to keep you from really feeling something or looking squarely at something that you would rather deny. OK...I knew this before but I'm now looking deeply into what I don't want to feel or see. Our money situation comes to mind immediately.   I've come so far releasing drama from my life and feel more internal peace than I have in years so why this damn struggle with money? There's still something inside of me creating it and I'm gonna get to the f'n bottom of it soon!  Got to run...more tapping (EFT) to do!

Baby steps

Today I took a step! Yeh me!  I've gotten the idea numerous times...probably since before Christmas of 2011, to videotape my journey into freedom.  I went to Walmart today and picked up a little tripod for my Flip Cam, set up and videotaped myself.  As I was taking the first video...a little introduction video,  I could see it was raining a beautiful soft rainfall and the sun was out. I unscrewed the Cam and got outside to find a rainbow...and there it was, so of course I videotaped it and expressed how I was taking it as a sign that I was on the right path.  Now...does this path make much sense to me now?  Not really. I don't know how I'm going to use these videos to help others or maybe they're going to help me speak my truth out loud and no one will ever see them. Only God knows. So I'm listening and doing. This is a change for me. I think I listen alot but DOING is a whole other story.  I've heard other teachers say repeatedly how they were told to do something and at the time it didn't make sense. They speak of faith in the unknown and how it's our job to listen and take those baby steps and trust that the next step will be revealed.  I do trust...I wonder what's next? This pushing myself out of my comfort zone proves to be quite empowering...pretty cool! Oh...I should mention that I'm about to find freedom in my smoking addiction and finances! Can't wait!

Loving myself anyway

Well today was supposed to be the day I had my last cigarette.  Well, that's out the window and I'm finding myself going easy on me! That's not the norm for me.  I've learned that beating myself up gets me feeling shitty and I then...you guessed it...I smoke more.  So I'm getting off my back. It is what it is.  I did great yesterday (having a total of 3) but was surrounded by my hubby's love, a long winter's nap and a movie ( a great one...We bought a zoo!) Today, my hubby left for work around noon and I had groceries to do. Damn...driving and cigs are closely knit in my subconscious right now. I know from quits in the past that I have to stay home, rest and sleep when needed. So I'm off to make supper and then drive a bit to visit a friend who's in town for the Holidays. Tomorrow's another day.  I know that focusing on the habit makes it worse so I'm doing my best to focus on other things to do, my damn amazingness and my relentless drive to never quit quitting!  

Out of my Comfort Zone

Well, here I go.  A blog...hmmm. What does one do with a blog? If starting this blog (which I kind of fell upon...well OK...no such thing as coincidences) was out of my comfort zone than how the heck am I going to be able to tell others about it? One step at a time.  Does this thing do spell check?  This is kind of fun! So what's on my mind? I'm truly in a position right now of just allowing myself to live a bigger (louder) life.  Why does it seem so damn uncomfortable to do so? Why is living small, being mediocre OK with so many! OK with me? I'm so tired of it! I'm tired of NOT listening to what my intuition is telling me to do and finding life frustrating.  So it's time. Time to allow myself some freedom to be me. Maybe no one will care to read what I have to say. That doesn't seem to matter.  I'm feeling like this is a step in the right direction and I'm just gonna go with it. No analyzing..and oh how I love to analyze! Wooopeee! I feel freeeee!